Cause of Death:
Eulogy (Written by the Siren, of course…):
My entire life, all I ever wanted was a normal life. But when you come from a family riddled with mental illness, and suffer from mental illness too, what hope is there? Starting from a very young age, probably 11, I obsessed with relationships. I know more about relationships than Dr. Phil. I’ve done nothing but turn cartwheels, jump though flaming hoops, and stand on my head to seek, then obtain, then keep, then lose, then get over a relationship. I always learn, but success is elusive. The emotional investment and emotional cost has been staggering. Some days it’s taken up every free minute and every free thought in my head—only to lose the entire investment and have nothing to show but wasted years. It’s worse than gambling, because I’ve never won a thing. Yet I continue to double down and hit on 20. I have to let go. Let go of having more kids, let go of having the perfect husband, let go of even having a special someone. Maybe today I can finally let it go. It’s gone. I need a new dream.
GOODBYE: Depression, Ineptitude, Helplessness, Self Doubt and Risk aversion
HELLO: Selflessness, Morality, Faith in God
This Siren is now able to counsel others to move on.
A note from Cemetery Mary: Lady Siren, in my humble opinion it is not mental illness that causes you to kill this dream, it is mental wellness. Relationships are there only to reflect back new aspects of yourself to learn to love. Of course now that you know that YOU are the one you’ve been looking for, you can relax and have some fun with that. If someone joins you for part of that exotic adventure, fine. If not, keep loving YOU in that way you’ve been seeking. And don’t forget to sing your dead dream theme song, which I believe is, “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life,” no?
When all else fails, repeat my favorite prayer and mantra over and over again until it clears the spider webs and crazy voices from your head:
I love you.
Please forgive me.
You are saying this to yourself—because you are the best friend and lover you will ever have, and you need to start cherishing yourself again.