Archive for the ‘Cheap Advice’ Category

And what to do with the dead dreams of my guests…?

Thursday, December 11th, 2008

Dearest readers:

I’ve had a chance to lovingly pour through the casket of dead dreams that sat at the front of my dead dream funeral last Saturday, and LAWD HAVE MERCY, what a collection of eccentric dead dreams. Comic books, dancing shoes, silk scarves, love poems and letters, and lots and lots of currency for those who are giving up attachment to material things. All of these items are being stored in a safe box, surrounded by candles, incense and protective love — until we burn them to smithereens at the next important ceremony: The Cremation.

Yes, Reverand Rai, Song Mistress Lisa, and I have discussed that it is important that none of your dead dreams, dashed hopes, or disappointments get left in the world. Our deadline is New Year’s Eve 08. You will be purified. We all will be purified. And congratulations to those of you who GET IT. That you are just giving up on things turning out the way you thought they were supposed to, and opening yourself up INSTEAD to new love, new surprises, and new ways to realize your dreams. As it is said, We Plan, God Laughs. Let it all go. We will enjoy watching everyone, including ourselves, rise from the ashes in 2009. Stay tuned for updates about the cremation event. Should be hot.

In other, more self-promotional news, this is the best blog review of event: Silkstone – Open Salon

Rest in peace, love, and a hot bath full of lavender,

Cemetery Mary

The Funeral Reviews Are In…

Monday, December 8th, 2008

Dear Fellow Mourners,

The reviews from the funeral are coming in fast and furiously and they make me believe that we aren’t as afraid of death and loss and letting go as we all act…that maybe we really can and want to get over ourselves…

Handsome pallbearers enter with coffin.

Handsome pallbearers enter with coffin.

NOW, may the reviews of my book be so positive…

Rest in Peace & Joy,

Cemetery Mary



I am speechless. What an event, I was thrilled to be a part of it!!! Everyone, and I mean everyone who participated (your daughter, singers, speakers…) were all amazing! I can’t stop talking about it!!!

Wow! The funeral was spectacular. You (and the Reverend) did a wonderful job of capturing the spirit of the event, including the serious parts. Someone I know was there because he read about it in the paper. He’s a story teller (and published author, the bastard!). He was blown away and came over to me as soon as it ended to say that he thought it would make a great movie or play. He couldn’t stop raving about the concept, the execution, the whimsy and the serious content.

Oh,my– what an amazing event!  It was a blast and such a wonderful combination of humor and inspiration.  It was like being part of live theater. I’ve never been to anything like this, Mary, and I’ll never forget it. I bought a couple of copies [of the book and} read the first ten pages... last night.  Those retarded publishing companies!  The book, the way you put it together, is marvelous.  I hope you sold lots of copies. But then, I'm also reminding myself of what your pastor said -- that we are valuable for who we are,  and not for our accomplishments.  I hope to remind myself of this daily.
All I can say is that Saturday afternoon was a wonderfully creative, empowering, goose bumping, affirming, spirit lifting, joy-full noise making, celebratory testament to the power of letting go.   YES IT WAS!!!!!  Amazingly, you provided the refuge, the safe haven within which we could release our pain on buoyantly floating waves of positivity.   YES YOU DID!!!!!!

Author adding up cost of tasty funeral snack buffet.

Author adding up cost of tasty funeral snack buffet.

I had no idea what to expect and so was pretty much a blank canvass when I walked up to the Chapel.  However, as I approached the building I heard the vocal swells of some woman filling the night air and cloaking the space between me and the door.  I knew that something huge and unusual was going on.  Couldn’t wait to go in and experience what was happening on the other side….

What a fabulous funeral! I expected to go and have fun and to laugh.  It was much more than that.  I actually threw some old baggage into that coffin, and felt lighter and better for the whole experience. The music was amazing.  Who is that woman singer?  What a voice!  At one point when she was singing “Climb Every Mountain” I thought that every window in the Chapel of the Chimes might shatter. There were so many high points….certainly one of them was when the audience yelled NO to tossing the diploma into the coffin.

Just wanted to thank you…[the funeral] was just what I needed to do for myself. As a fellow writer, I sympathized with Mary. It was standing room only for this wonderful event. More people should do this for any reason whatsoever.

I can’t even properly describe how fun it was to be there…

And this blog entry from The Mysterious Funeral Parlour Lady

What on earth is she reading?

What on earth is she reading?